That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
