I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
