when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
