Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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