he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Dear god my vagina.
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