Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
