we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
