there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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