I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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