Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
