Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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