You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
