he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
