the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
