ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
