i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
