How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
