dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
