The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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