Already got asked if we're dating
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
