The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
