things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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