omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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