there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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