you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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