I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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