Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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