Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
