watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
