I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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