I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
