Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
