i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
