SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
