i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
My feet surprised me
Randomize
