she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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