i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
