I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
