I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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