Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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