I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
