need another drink. this is the easiest way
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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