2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
we have officially lost it.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
