her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Randomize
