drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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