im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
