we have pet lesbian snakes
Swine flu. Run for my life!
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Drake has all the answers
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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