Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
