your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
