We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
