he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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