Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
